the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
