i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
well you can't waste a boner
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just had sex on a roof
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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