Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
