happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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