I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
