the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
