I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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