eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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