He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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