kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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