Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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