where am i from again
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
