i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
