Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
