shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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