I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
