watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
