the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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