In America we eat man semen.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
