we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
