How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he just fucked me for my cheese..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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