We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Plan B is the new Plan A
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
