I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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