i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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