shes about as inviting as chlamydia
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So apparently I’m into choking now
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