Small penises have feelings too.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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