Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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