The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
