wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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