my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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