just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
