my phone needs a breathalizer
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
