Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
