it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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