i just snorted my name. best moment ever
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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