How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
