you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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