I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
