i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
