two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
