What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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