when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
