We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
