i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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