I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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