hotel room ftw
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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