You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
