Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
