Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
