I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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