i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
