Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
