I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
