I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
