last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
